"Would you still love me if you knew the 'real' me?"

I was so good at pretending
like an actor on a stage
but in the end nobody knew me
only the roles that I portrayed
and I would rather have you hate me
knowing who I really am
than to try and make you love me
being something that I can’t”

(from “God Knows I Tried” by Ray Boltz).

"Would you still love me if you knew the 'real' me?" It's a universal question. And because of fear many never verbalize it. And because of fear many never have the courage to be authentic and let the chips fall where they may. No doubt, with recent news of a popular Christian singer 'coming out' about his sexuality, there will be many former fans lining up to condemn him..

But I like the way he put it: "I really had no master plan here. I’ve just been trying to go with the idea that you can either live your life out of love or out of fear."

Being honest with ourselves and honest with God (who already knows anyway) is crucial. Choosing not to live out of fear is freeing. I hear Ray's story repeated quite frequently, often by church leaders... or their children:

“I’d denied it ever since I was a kid. I became a Christian, I thought that was the way to deal with this and I prayed hard and tried for 30-some years and then at the end, I was just going, ‘I’m still gay. I know I am.’ And I just got to the place where I couldn’t take it anymore … when I was going through all this darkness, I thought, ‘Just end this.’”

When I read the story I felt sad. Not sad about the truth, but sad that Ray had lived in fear and captivity for so long. What kind of reaction will he get from the adoring crowds who applauded, bought his CDs and sang his songs in their worship services? That remains to be seen, but I have a pretty good guess, and it's not pretty.

The sad thing is that many who will be 'throwing stones' and removing his songs from their praise band's playlist have their own secrets, their own dual lives. Too many of us live in the same fear and with disparity between our private and public lives. We worship every week, lives veiled in secret bondage while singing songs of freedom.

Spiritual freedom begins with honesty. One reason church attendance has dropped off in recent decades in America is for this very reason. People are tired of the hypocrisy; tired of faking it (or being told to fake it). Those with the courage to live honestly are tired of being judged by people who aren't.

I am blessed to have a small group of friends with whom I can 'lay my cards on the table' and still be accepted and loved. We honestly share our failures and weaknesses, our struggles and fears. We encourage each other to face our giants and live authentically.

I think that's part of what makes for heaven on earth; no skeletons in the closet. Not that there are no skeletons, just that they're not kept secret, therefore the fear of them being revealed holds no power over our daily lives. That is freedom. And in that freedom is peace and joy.

I pray for Ray, that as he lives authentically he will know that freedom, joy and peace. And I pray for all the other 'rays' out there, some of whom will be his harshest critics, who don't yet have the courage to live honestly, and who, as a result, are still locked in their own prisons. I pray they will truly hear the invitation of Jesus and find freedom...and rest.

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind,
to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."
(Isaiah 61:1-2; repeated by Jesus in Luke 4)

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."
(Matthew 11:28-29)

August 20: Uncivil Civil War

An article in Sunday's Washington Post regarding "a rift in black churches" over gay unions begins the next chapter in the story of how American churches will respond to "the homosexual question", and launches the latest salvo in what is becoming America's next uncivil civil war.

Author, speaker and leader in the Emergent Church movement, Brian McLaren, recently opened Pandora's Box in a magazine article highlighting the need for pastoral sensitivity and it seems some readers wanted to burn him at the stake as a heretic for even suggesting civil discourse on the subject. When did "christians" become so mean?

McLaren, in a response to critics of the article, posed some interesting questions with which every church will soon wrestle if they have not already done so:

"For example, if you are certain without a shadow of doubt that homosexual behavior is always wrong, where do you draw the line:
Do you let a homosexual person be a member of your church, or an attender?
Does your exclusion apply only to “practicing” gays, or to celibate people of gay orientation?
How many weeks can they attend without being given an ultimatum?
How do you find out if a supposedly nonpracticing person is hiding their secret behaviors?
How many failures do you allow before excommunication?
And do you allow heterosexual people who attend your services to have gay friends?
Must they confront those friends in order to be faithful Christians?
What if they don’t?
What if your leading elder comes to you to say his daughter has come out as a lesbian?
What if your daughter comes out?
Or conversely, if you are an “open and affirming” congregation, do you require fidelity or do you allow promiscuity?
How do you enforce that?
Do you accept people who think homosexuality is wrong?
What if they repeatedly share their opinions publicly and in so doing scare away gay people whom you seek to receive?
Are you then open and affirming of homosexuals, but not of people who consider homosexuality a sin?"

My question is, "Can christians be Christ-like during the discussions?" I hear the old addage, "Well, we just have to agree to disagree." I can't stand that phrase. It leaves no room for either party to grow, change their opinions or their behavior. How about, "Let's learn to disagree without being disagreeable."? At least that makes a request for civility during the dialogue.

And why do so many christians pick and choose which sins to punish. For example, many church-folk are quick to condemn gay couples who are monogamous and committed, while at the same time turning a blind eye to heterosexual promiscuity or straight couples living together out of wedlock. Why the double standard?

Some are quick to quote Leviticus 20:13, "'If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.", but completely skip verse 10, which reads, "If a man commits adultery with another man's wife--with the wife of his neighbor--both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death." Why the double standard?

I'm not suggesting we institute the death penalty for either one of those behaviors, I'm just raising the question of why some church-folk are so rabid about one Biblical injunction but often turn a blind eye to so many others?

The question I pose for the church is, "can churches be civil while they wrestle with the questions posed earlier?" So far the answer is "absolutlely not", and that's sad and more sinful than the issues being discussed.

There is no doubt more to come as our culture and churches clash over this issue. You'll hear church-folks echoing the mantra "love the sinner, hate the sin." I want to ask my gay friends, "do you feel the love yet?" I didn't think so.

~ Father, help us to hold out love as we seek to know your heart and will. Forgive me for acting like behavior and belief have nothing in common. Amen.