Mother Teresa: Doubt and Faithfulness

News that Mother Teresa suffered a 40-year-long crisis of faith during which she sometimes doubted even the existence of God made the headlines this week and sparked a great deal of discussion. While her honesty about her questions and at times less-than-desirable prayer life have been known for several years now, her spiritual life was put back in the news with the release of a new book entitled 'Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light', containing 40 of her letters and edited by Fr Brian Kolodiejchuk, a close friend.

At one point Mother Teresa writes: "I am told God loves me, and yet the reality of the darkness and coldness and emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul. I have no faith. I dare not utter the words and thoughts that crowd in my heart."

Although atheists were having a field day with this recent publication of Mother Teresa’s letters, for most believers it is not news. As shown in an excellent article by David Quinn, what these letters explode is not faith, but "the myth that she was a woman of simple faith. Her faith was anything but simple, much less simple-minded."

We all have doubts and questions, even the heroes of the faith, past and present, had doubts-–Moses, David, The Aposle Peter, the Apostle Paul, Billy Graham. Faith is not the absence of doubt or questions. Faith is trusting God even though we don’t have all the answers to our questions, and even though we stuggle with doubt from time to time.

A couple of quotes from Quinn’s article are especially noteworthy:
“Some of the biggest-hitting atheists of the last few decades, intellectual heavyweights several classes above a Richard Dawkins or Christopher Hitchens, among them AJ Ayer and Anthony Flew, came in later life to doubt aspects of their non-belief.”

Quinn concludes his article with this statement:
“Should we think more or less of Mother Teresa now that we know what we know about her inner spiritual life? Probably more. Her essential goodness is not in the least diminished by these letters…In fact, these letters should recommend her to an age that celebrates religious doubt, and actively encourages it. She is, and will remain, a saint to Catholics. But her inner doubts should now endear her more to an age plagued by doubt. If she can doubt, but still believe, it gives believers permission to have doubts, and doubters permission to have beliefs.”

We’re all a mix of doubter and believer, sinner and saint. The problem is when people fake it--believers masquerade as saints who have no doubts or sin, or skeptics who pretend like they don’t flirt with faith, privately wondering in the deepest part of their being if there might really be a God.

After the ressurection of Jesus we are told in Matthew's Gospel that "the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:16-20, NIV)

Worshipper, doubter, witness, teacher, missionary--Mother Teresa was all of these, just like the first disciples, and just like many disciples of Jesus today. That fact that she struggled with her faith on occasion is no big deal, the fact that she kept the faith and lived it out is a very big deal. She touched millions of lives and will do so for generations to come.

~ Father, help me to see that the goal is not to be perfect, but to be faithful. Help me to be a consistent witness of your love and mercy. Amen.