Unraveling

Some have noticed that this blog site has been uncharacteristically silent for the past two and a half weeks (BTW, thanks for checking on me, B.D.). I've been in kind of a funk emotionally, and swamped with demands on my time, but who's not these days?

I have had time to get informed about Christian Nudists, as our friends over at Mr. Beale's Epiphany hosted a lively and informative discussion a couple of weeks ago. I'm not a convert, but had never heard of this before and find the whole "movement" interesting. I uncovered a new segment of the Christian sub-culture in America that I heretofore never knew existed.

My biggest problem is I've been reading Brian Mclaren again, which is always a dangerous endeavor for me. Things are beginning to unravel, which is not necessarily a bad thing. I blame my friend Tom. He warned me it would happen if I kept chasing some of my thoughts and ideas to their logical conclusions.

I guess for the past several month I've been going through a(nother) mid-life crisis. A new crisis of faith, or sorts. Or just the continuation of one that's been going on for the past twenty-seven years. I've been disastrous with relationships (which is not a good thing for a pastor), too frequently silent and/or absent during much of the past ten months.

Questioning everything. Sifting. Holding on the old treasures and tossing aside things proven to be no longer useful. Some "truths" lose their luster as time goes on. Real truth become more precious with the passing of time. When we do something for a long time we delude ourselves into thinking that's the only (or best) way to do it.

My blog on October 1, "The Glory of the Longing Heart" quotes the lyrics of a song by John Fischer. That is an apt description of where I've been most of 2007, but sometimes it feels far less than "glorious". I've been undertaking an outward makeover since my birthday, more out of necessity (make changes or die, literally) than vanity. All the while God has been undertaking an inward makeover of sorts. Destroying old assumptions and long-held, but misguided, "certainties."

Lately I have found spiritual resonance with King David of Israel who lived nearly 3,000 years ago:

"I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live." Psalms 116:1-2 (NIV)

I like to pray it back to God in present tense: "I love you, Lord, for You hear my voice; You hear my cry for mercy. Because You turn Your ear to me, I will call on You as long as I live." Amen.