It's been quite a time, these past 40 days or so.... hmmmm. During that time this blog has been un-touched and I've been re-thinking so much of what I've believed and taught all of my adult life. It has been difficult to put into words at times, but one phrase that keeps popping up is "I feel like I've been lied to for 47 years."
Two big influencers of my thinking lately have been Brad Cummings and Wayne Jacobsen over at The God Journey. Wayne's site at Lifestream, especially his Transition teachings, have had a huge impact on my thinking.
Honestly, I've spent my whole life thinking God was angry at me and that I had to perform well in order to stay in His good graces. I knew I was forgiven, was in relationship with Him, and knew God loved me. But, honestly, that love has always felt conditional. God loved me as long as... as long as I was faithful, as long as I did good, as long as I didn't sin... the list felt endless at times. I was afraid of God, and felt like that's the way He wanted it.
It is true that "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom", but it's the beginning of wisdom. "If you don't love God you should fear Him... it will keep you out of trouble. But once you know how much He loves you, you never need fear Him again."
I've come to love this passage of Holy Scripture (1 John 4:18): "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
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2 comments:
"Seeing God in a Whole New Light" is so honest and so true. Have you ever read "Embracing the Love of God" by James Bryan Smith? It is one of the most helpful books I've come across. Both of you echo my own struggles. Glad you're posting again. MM
MM: glad to be back. Thanks.
I have not read that book, but will add it to my list of "need to read" -- thanks for the recommendation.
JT
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