We Are Free Men

Just finished a weekend planning retreat at a local monastery with a few close friends to give some direction to our Men's group. Here's our vision:

We are men sharing our lives and journeys together as we pursue a deeper relationship with Father (God)...

By experiencing ongoing personal transformation and leading others to discover and enjoy freedom in Christ;

By creating a safe place for men of every generation, culture and race to honestly confront the struggles of manhood;

and by providing opportunities through fellowship, recreation and service to connect with, and encourage one another.

We Are Free Men.

King Cake

My wife hails from Louisiana. Some friends here in Virginia who are also from Louisiana gifted us with a King Cake earlier this week.

According to the box... "The King Cake has been associated with the Mardi Gras season for many years. The season begins on January 6th, known as the Epiphany, the day the three Wise Men of the East, Caspar, Melchior and Balthazar, found the baby Jesus."

(Okay, there is so much wrong with this story. the fact that three gifts were mentioned doesn't mean there were three kings. The weren't "kings" but Magi, astrologers. Their names are not given in the Bible, but handed down as tradition and are probably fictitious. Jesus was no longer an infant, but rather a toddler by the time the Magi arrived. Okay, now that I got that off my chest, back to the King Cake.)

"The King Cake reminds us of this day by its shape, color and decoration. Its oval shape represents the unity of all Christians. (okay, we can pretend) The colors purple, gold and green stand for justice, power and faith, respectively.

A small baby doll, bean or coin is hidden inside the cake to symbolize the finding of the baby Jesus. whoever finds this symbol in their slice of cake traditionally buys the King Cake for the next celebration."

We're down to the last two slices and still no baby.

Feeling Froggy

My son has been dissecting earthworms and frogs in his biology class this week. I'm feeling froggy--dissected and laid bare, lately. I've been on a journey of discovering, exposing and healing some not-so-pretty attitudes, habits, assumptions, misconceptions about God and old wounds. The process is neither pretty nor painless.

Along the way have been some amazing encounters with God and discovering who God really is...what He's like... His heart. God is just so good, He really is! He is just so good. Father has been using friends, books, and prayer to stir up so much stuff, so many memories – oh, God, I am such a mess. I have so much "stuff" that I didn't even realize was there. Oh, God, help me!

I had no idea I had so much crap buried in my heart. I want to go deep, but I know it's going to cost me. I know God is real and I just want to know Him so badly. And I want all that He wants for me.

Ministry Opportunities

I've had some interesting meetings during the past couple of weeks. Some good opportunities to meet needs and help people connect with God.

A week and a half ago I attended a Gideons Banquet. They're the guys who place Bibles in hotels, hospitals, schools, jails, etc. They don't force anyone to take a Bible or read it. They simply place them in high-traffic areas and people may choose to take and read it or leave it be. A good work of which we are proud to be a part.

Looking into our being a host church for Angel Food Ministry which helps people stretch their budgets. Another good work. I'm excited about the possibility or our congregation being part of this. Lord knows folks would appreciate help to cut costs on their grocery bill. This would not replace our "Food Pantry" which gives food at no cost, but this would certainly complement the Pantry ministry.

I meet with a group of guys on Tuesday nights where we are reading and discussing the book The Shack, the bestseller written by William Paul Young. This is a controversial book in many circles, and many well-known pastors have labeled it "heresy". We are finding it to be both challenging and encouraging. Some have described it as being "life-changing". I'm reluctant to put that label on any book, but it has certainly helped us better understand and connect to God--and He is truly life-changing.

I've been enjoying exploring some fascinating discoveries about the Red Sea Crossing as recorded in the the Bible in the Book of Exodus. Amazing how often science confirms the Biblical accounts, but those discoveries don't get much publicity in news accounts or even educational settings.

Breaking the Silence

I've been absent from writing here for the past two and a half weeks. Although I've been lurking about on my favorite blogs every day I haven't taken time to update this one. Mostly I've been in a contemplative/introspective mood and needed to spend time thinking, processing and "digesting" some of the things with which I'm wrestling--spending less time talking and writing, and more time thinking and praying.

There's been the usual stuff, too -- helping tend to my Mother-in-law, planning and delivering six "messages" (I hate the word 'sermon') each week, going to meetings, visiting sick people in the hospital and presiding at funerals.

Some of the out-of-the-ordinary things I considered blogging about, but didn't:

The Mail Spill: I turn the corner in a commercial area of town and there are letters, magazines, and sale fliers all over the place. Up on the right a white station wagon with a U.S. Postal Service logo has been abandoned with its flashers on--no sign of the driver. So I got out and began collecting the letters, bills, bill payments, small parcels, etc., A lady pulled over to help, thinking I was the postal worker. Finally a mail truck rolled up, just as confused about what had happened and the whereabouts of the station wagon driver as we were. We left our collection with him...I just hope none of my mail was in that batch of litter.

My Amazing Son: The report card revealed that while he's not at the top of his class he did raise his grades in every subject over the previous grading period. He was selected by his peers to represent his class for Homecoming (his school celebrates it during basketball season). I drove him for the tuxedo fitting (man, he looked sharp!), was his "audience" as he practiced his speech that he delivered to the full student body during a School Assembly a couple of days before the big event, and took him to get a haircut (it was a great haircut, he looked gooood). He escorted a young lady who is an exchange student from Tokyo, Japan--they looked great and enjoyed their evening in the spotlight.

Medical Incompetence: I had blood drawn for a routine check of cholesterol levels and such, only to receive a phone call a week later that there had been some confusion at the lab and my samples had been switched with another patient. They needed me to come in so they could draw more blood and re-do the lab work. Uggghhhhh!

Inauguration Day: Our area had a (no) snow day, with the local forecast calling for 3-5 inches of the white stuff by mid-morning schools was canceled for the day. The storm materialized south of us and we didn't see a solitary flake all day long--except the meteorologists on TV trying to explain how they could have been so far off with their predictions. Anyway, got to see the Inaugural events; the swearing-in ceremony and the motorcade/walk down Pennsylvania Avenue. Wow! Inspiring! Made me so proud of our nation and democracy in general. It was an incredible event.

Green Screen: Got to experience a first--doing some filming in front of "green screen". Nailed it in one take. The camera man/director was impressed. Good for the ego. Now I can't wait to see the finished product and what the background looks like. The whole thing' was a little disconcerting, like signing a blank check and trusting the person to whom you give it to fill it the correct amount.

At the Movies: I had a funeral in the morning into the early afternoon, and my son had a half-day of school--early release for Patent/Teacher Conferences. So we both took the afternoon off and went to see "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" . We laughed until we hurt. Stupid humor. Remnant laughter, where you just think about a scene hours later and bust out laughing, leaving those around you wondering what's wrong with you. Kevin James plays the lead character with such sincerity and a straight face that just looking at him makes me laugh. The funniest scene was the citizens arrest in the Victoria's Secret store. Stupid funny.

The Journey

"MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."

- Thomas Merton

What is God REALLY Like?

I used to see God as a heavenly Santa Claus; the sees-all, knows-all rewarder of “nice” people. Then I grew to see Him as a king; a benevolent dictator…unless you disobeyed, at which point he was malevolent and cruel. Then I grew to see him as a stern judge to be feared; angrily holding my fate in his hands.

In all these scenarios he was to be feared, his approval resting on the sincerity and abundance of good deeds I performed. Mostly I saw God as unforgiving. Jesus yes, but God, no. The righteous, holy judge who exacts justice… and all who stand before him are guilty.

Fear, guilt and insecurity ruled my heart and mind. Ever-hopeful that the good would get noticed, and the bad thoughts and actions would get overlooked somehow. A friend compared his spiritual journey to the children’s board game, “Chutes and Ladders”. Climbing the ladder upward through effort and “goodness”, only to sin and hit the slide downward into doubt and fear.

When we ask, “Who is God?” we get a thousand images, adjectives and emotions swirling about—many of them contradicting each other. Even if we refine the question to “What is God like?” we begin to think of actions attributed to Him: creating, delivering, providing, etc., as though we are reading off his resume. These lists tell of his accomplishments, but not his character.

God has a personality. My Chutes and Ladder friend also noted that “We can only answer the question “What is God like?” out of relationship, not education.” It is a difficult question to answer when one has no personal experience with God from which to draw. The way we view God – and the way that makes us feel – tends to be the way we portray God to others: vindictive and vengeful, or redemptive and relational.

Enter Jesus. What did Jesus teach us about what God is like? Jesus said, “If you have seen me, you have seen the Father.” The Father (God) is like Jesus. Thinking about Jesus stirs up a whole different list of images, adjectives and emotions: Friend, love, forgiveness, compassion, acceptance, respecter of choice, etc.

The idea of falling into the hands of God stirs up feelings of fear. The idea of falling into the hands of Jesus brings feelings of comfort and peace. If the Old Covenant were sufficient we wouldn’t need a new one.

Jesus, with one exception, always referred to God as “Father”. Only one time, while hanging on the cross, did Jesus address him as “God.” “God” is a distant, authoritative figure while “Father” is a term of relationship, closeness and intimacy.

In the Garden of Gethsemane Jesus cried out, “Abba, Father!” Abba would be like the English “Daddy” or “Papa”. Father is a term or respect. Daddy is a term of endearment. God is often misunderstood and misrepresented. Jesus came to clarify things and show us what God is really like. When you mess up, do you see yourself standing before an angry judge or an accepting, although disappointed, Daddy?

In fact is God ever disappointed in us? God is certainly disappointed in some of our decisions, but not in us. Like King David, we will always bear the consequences of our choices and sin, but even at his lowest David was never rejected by God.

When I sin, when I "miss the mark”, it's usually "down the chute of shame" for me. I'm learning that even in my failure God does not reject me. Even in my failure I can rise up the ladder of acceptance and find forgiveness and corrective counsel in the lap of God.

Secondly, by living under the judgment of God I tend to make others live under mine. I’m learning to extend grace the way I’ve received it from God.

Epiphany

Tuesday of this week marked "Epiphany" on the Christian calendar. According to the dictionary, "Epiphany may refer to a Christian holiday on January 6 (the Twelfth Day of Christmas) celebrating the visit of the Magi to the infant Jesus. It may also reference the sudden realization or comprehension of the essence or meaning of something."

Tuesday night was very emotional and cathartic. I had an indescribable encounter. A time of discovering of old wounds I didn't know were there. A time of supernatural healing deep within my heart. Bottom line: I know God is real. I know God loves me.

Check out this song, a prayer to God really, by the group Sanctus Real which gives voice to what's been stirring in me the past few days.

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

(Chorus)

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to fix up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

I've Learned That...

Received this in a forwarded e-mail from a friend. Not sure of its origin or author, but found it worth repeating:

I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things: a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.

I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a life.

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you, but if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, then happiness will find you.

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back .

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

New Year's Resolution

New Year's Resolution: don't do ministry alone; bring others along and develop new leaders as I go.

Quote of the Day

"Hey Dear, on the way home from the grocery store we filled your gas up with car."
_______________

Either sheer fatigue or the dyslexia kicking in... or a combination of both. Time for a nap.

New Year's Wedding

The wedding was scheduled for noon on January first. (I'm thinking, get married a day earlier and get the tax break for all of 2008, but I digress). It was to be in the home with just a few friends and family members.

I was on the street at 11:50, but couldn't find the house. I had been in contact with the bride on several occasions, but only had her work number, which would be of no help with the office being closed for the holiday.

At 12:20 the bride called me. Yea! She wasn't even in town yet. Double yea! I wasn't late after all. I stayed put, she drove by on her way in and escorted me to the house. Finally, at 1:30pm the ceremony began. It was beautiful. Simple. Sweet. Bare feet on hard wood floors. Casual, with lots of laughter and tears.

They had written, and shared their wedding vows. Personal stuff--hearts exposed. They pledged their love and committed themselves to each other for a lifetime. People who say, "It's just a piece of paper" are wrong. It is much, much more than that.